Circuit Du Sore Legs – 50K –

Matt Collyer smashes the Club 50k record and also sets a new course record to boot.

Read his race report below…

An Execrable Exercise in Endurance: A Treatise on My 50km Sojourn

In the spirit of brevity—lest you be subjected to an unsolicited exegesis on ancient Hellenistic stoicism or the metaphysical ramifications of voluntary suffering—I present a modest chronicle of my latest foray into the absurd: a 50-kilometre footrace conducted under the tyrannical gaze of an uncompromising June sun.

The scenery, if one dare reduce such visual majesty to so mundane a term, was nothing short of sublime. The track, aglow with a shade of orange so saturated it bordered on the hallucinogenic, radiated a solar vengeance that rendered the landscape a surrealist tableau. For three and a half interminable hours, this incandescent strip unfurled before me like a molten runway to purgatory.

Let it be recorded: 50 kilometres is not a “long way” in the pedestrian sense of the phrase—it is a metaphysical journey, a corporeal crucible in which one’s flesh is reconstituted into raw, unrepentant suffering. My left leg, formerly a functioning limb, now resembles a sanded-down stump—a grotesque tribute to friction, fatigue, and the uncompromising physics of repeated impact.

Yet, in the face of mounting cardiovascular betrayal—a phenomenon known in polite circles as “cardiac drift” and in less polite ones as “your body telling you to sod off”—I endured. The final 17 kilometres were less a run and more an existential negotiation with entropy. I survived them, albeit in a state bordering on dissociation.

In a rare mercy bestowed by the fates, the Dartford Crossing—typically a temple of congestion and automotive despair—remained miraculously unoccupied. A small logistical victory in a narrative otherwise dominated by anguish.

In conclusion: I ran far. I suffered greatly. The sun was rude. My leg is gone. Would recommend.

Thanks Matt for another unique race report. Had to get the dictionary out a couple of times..

In your style Matt….

Congratulations on your extraordinary demonstration of unwavering determination and unparalleled athleticism.